He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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