Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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