Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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