he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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