butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
