I just saw a hot homeless man
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it's like heaven, but drunker
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
