she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
