Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize