She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
