oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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