I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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