considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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