do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
