Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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