I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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