i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
