Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
