Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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