I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
