Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
