tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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