I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
