I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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