so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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