last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it because I queefed?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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