You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
