If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
