I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
