well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
