Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
