We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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