my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
