Sponge bath it is.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
