why didn't you poke me back
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We left the knife in your bed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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