If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
