It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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