went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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