If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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