I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
