he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
