ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
