Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
