Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
