Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
