these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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