I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
