I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize