Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
