Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
