Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize