Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
