you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
