Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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