What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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