My liver just broke up with me...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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