Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
