textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
