if i died would you start the facebook group?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize