You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
