my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
