You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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