I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
