Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize