I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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