so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Text me some of your sweat
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
