Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
