The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
