Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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