I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
