WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
