Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
