take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize