she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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