I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
