About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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