O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
