Michael Bay diarrhea
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
