I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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