now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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