dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
