So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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