in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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