So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
