she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
