I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
