Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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