Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
