Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
